Sunday 26 November 2017

We have reached that time of year when it feels like everyone is out there getting excited for the festivities ahead whilst you are sat at home wondering how you are going to get through it again.

Already I am seeing houses with their decorations up and Christmas tree's standing proud. All the shops are full of every present you could ever imagine buying and many that you think why would anyone buy them.

The TV is now full of Christmas things from presents to the food, and supermarkets & shops compete to have the best Christmas advert. Radios have began to bring out all the old songs and we are forever hearing 'Wish it could be Christmas everyday' from now until the 26th December.

Work colleagues have already planned the Christmas work 'do' and the talk is of the new outfits being bought for the night.

Christmas cards will soon start arriving through the letterbox and you will be sitting thinking that maybe you should be writing yours. Panic will start to kick in for people and they will begin to stress that they have not got all the presents they need to buy and that they will not have enough food for those relatives that could turn up over the holidays.

There is however a group of people that now dread the festivities and the excitement that Christmas used to bring.

The grieving families feel bombarded with the constant reminders of the pain they feel from the loss of their baby or child. They see everywhere families out together celebrating the festive season whilst they can only sit back and wish that they were able to join in.

Often bereaved families will shut themselves away and try to shut out the holiday noise. Many will begin to resent this time of year and may even end up hating Christmas as it brings up to many painful reminders for them.   
 If there are other children it can become difficult as you have to keep up with the celebrations for their sake and you want them to have a wonderful time and make memories for their futures. Many families say that they feel like they just go into automatic pilot and try to make it into a magical time for their children whilst never forgetting to include their lost child into the day.

There are so many beautiful memorial gifts that are now readily available to buy and these can really make a difference as it allows the family a way of being able to still buy their child a gift.

Every year since we lost Charlie I have always made sure that I go and buy a new bauble for our tree that is 'Charlie's bauble'.
I know other families that have also bought new decorations in honour of their loved one and either hang it in the house or take it to their child's grave. 

When it comes to Christmas day I think that every family will find a way for them to get through the day, whether that be spending time alone, with other family members or visiting their child's grave or favourite place. Whatever you choose to do is the right thing for you.
A grieving family should never feel that they are being judged for how they want to spend this time. It is a very difficult time for them without the added pressure of feeling that people disagree with how they deal with it. 

The best thing family and friends can do is to let the grieving family know that they are there for them when and if they want them. Let them know that your door is always open for them to come along for a drink, a mince pie or even a hug.

Please don't let a grieving family feel alone or that they have no one to reach out to at this festive time, always give them the option to join in even if they don't end up taking it. Sometimes just knowing that you are there for them will be enough.

If you are a grieving don't feel that you have to join in with all the celebrations just for the sake of it but also don't feel guilty if you do want to go and join in.  

Christmas can be difficult for any family, the extra money worries and family gatherings but adding in a bereavement can make it even harder. 

So let's all try and show each other an extra bit of compassion this year and stop putting extra pressure on ourselves and others to be 'OK'.

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