Understanding and helping a grieving father can sometimes feel difficult. 

But it isn't and it shouldn't be.

Often people will shy away from offering support because they think the man is 'coping'.

Through our own views, from what society has taught us, on how men should behave we can think that they don't need help.  
Men tend to handle their emotions very differently to women and grief is no exception. It is also a sad reality of our society that we deem that men should be the strong ones and don't need to grieve like the mother.

A couple going through the loss of their baby or child need to be able to understand and accept that they will both grieve very differently. The loss of their baby/child is such a devastating event that if the couple can not understand how their partner is reacting it can lead to them growing apart or even splitting up. 

Being able to understand and accept that everyone is different and deals with grief differently can be a way of being able to support each other in a positive way and can even lead on to them not becoming bogged down by 'destructive blaming' that can happen.
Grieving together can bring a couple even closer and make the relationship even stronger.

Grieving fathers can respond very differently to the mother and may even not show any emotion. 

This does not mean that they do not feel the pain as deeply as the woman or grieve the loss any less.

Men are often bought up to feel that they are the provider and the protector and they must keep strong for their family in times of distress.

Society is now beginning to realise more and more that 'men grieve too' and that it is acceptable for men to show their emotions in life situations. 
With mental health becoming a more understood area and so much emphasis nowadays being put in to mental well being and mindfulness hopefully it will be much more easy and expected that the father needs to be able to grieve openly.

We are beginning to see the change in attitude to men needing help and support through grief. We are now more frequently getting men referred to us or are ringing us up after finding our website when looking for help.
Some men may never feel comfortable showing their emotions but that is also true of some women. 

An area that can make the man try to hide or bury his feelings is the return to work. 
When a woman experiences the loss of a baby at birth they are still entitled to their maternity leave but the father is still only entitled to the 2 week paternity leave. 
The added pressure of being the main wage earner can make men return to work when really they should be at home with their partner grieving the death of their child. They may also work in an environment where there is no support available to him which can lead to them burying their emotions.

Some men may divert the feelings they are feeling into activities or exercise, they can go along to a gym and express their anger and frustration by lifting weights, hitting the punch bag or running for miles on the treadmill. Whilst this is a brilliant way for them to release their pent up emotions they still need to be able to talk about their child.

Whatever way you respond to your grief is okay for you and whether you are male or female should not influence the support you find offered to you. 

We need to start realising and acknowledging that Daddy's grieve just like mummy's do. They need someone to acknowledge their feelings and not to make them feel like their feelings are less valid than any one else's.

There are more and more groups starting up to support men through grief and we are hoping in the future to be able to offer a support group at our office for men. Hopefully this will continue to grow and eventually there will be as many places for men to go to as women. 

Grief affects everyone and no father should ever feel that they can not find or deserve help and support.