Over the last couple of months we have began visiting a lot of families in their homes to offer support to them and one of the things that every one of them has said, and we to have experienced, is how physically painful grief is.
I have heard it described recently as an 'aching from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair', and a physical ache in their arms which they feel could only be alleviated by cradling their baby.
If you say that to someone who has not experienced a loss they find it hard to understand.
'How can grief make you actually hurt' is something that bereaved families will have heard.
I think I would have also felt like that prior to having experienced a loss myself.
Love really does hurt - and the loss of a baby or child is one of the most painful.
Over recent years medics and researchers have started to look into the physical and chemical reactions experienced by grieving people, and with the new technology available in scanning they have been able to show that the part of the brain responsible for processing physical pain also deals with emotional pain.
They have also shown that in the same way that a person having long term effects from a physical injury such as chronic pain, the pain felt by a grieving person may never totally go away, referring to it as 'heartbreak'.
When people talk about being brokenhearted it can actually feel like your heart is going to give up and I have heard it described as feeling as if someone was trying to pull it out of their chest.
It may also feel as if someone is pressing down on your chest or your heart is leaking.
When people feel like this they often do not tell others because they feel like they will think they are going 'crazy'or they won't understand.
It has been called 'Complex Grief' by doctors, which relates to when the physical pain from grief carries on for a prolonged period of time with no relief from it. Complex grief has been found to occur in up to 10% of bereaved people. Whilst this is quite a high number I think that it will probably be higher than that. A lot of people never seek help so they will not be included in the research.
Grief can also lead on to many other physical conditions which adds to the difficulty already being experienced by the bereaved person. Lots of people describe experiencing stomach problems/pain or always having a headache, which makes dealing with day to day activities almost impossible.
"Can you die from a broken heart?"
Well a cardiologist has come forward and said YES.
He has said that there is an increased risk of dying in the 6 months after a bereavement and it is more likely in men. He explained this by saying that following a bereavement the stress and anxiety felt can produce a specific hormone that can lead to some people experiencing heart attacks and strokes as well as being more likely to be involved in accidents.
When you look at all these things that people can go through after a loss it makes you realise how important it is to have the right help and support out there at the time it is needed.
We know this is true from all the families we have met since setting up Charlies-Angel-Centre and from our own personal experiences.
If people were able to access the support they need when they needed it there would be much fewer of them requiring doctors intervention which surely makes sense in today's culture of Nhs cuts.
One day the people in charge of making the decisions about the services available must see that prevention is better than cure and that putting adequate funding into areas highlighted as being underfunded is the only sensible solution.
If you know someone who is struggling with grief please remember that the physical symptoms they are experiencing are real and they need your support and help to get through it. That could be just spending time with them or offering to go shopping for them but it could also involve you making the decision to seek extra external support for them.
Grief hurts and it can hurt for years and years, never rush someone through their grief they are taking it at the pace that is right for them, just be there for them.
I have heard it described recently as an 'aching from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair', and a physical ache in their arms which they feel could only be alleviated by cradling their baby.
If you say that to someone who has not experienced a loss they find it hard to understand.
'How can grief make you actually hurt' is something that bereaved families will have heard.
I think I would have also felt like that prior to having experienced a loss myself.
Love really does hurt - and the loss of a baby or child is one of the most painful.
Over recent years medics and researchers have started to look into the physical and chemical reactions experienced by grieving people, and with the new technology available in scanning they have been able to show that the part of the brain responsible for processing physical pain also deals with emotional pain.
They have also shown that in the same way that a person having long term effects from a physical injury such as chronic pain, the pain felt by a grieving person may never totally go away, referring to it as 'heartbreak'.
When people talk about being brokenhearted it can actually feel like your heart is going to give up and I have heard it described as feeling as if someone was trying to pull it out of their chest.
It may also feel as if someone is pressing down on your chest or your heart is leaking.
When people feel like this they often do not tell others because they feel like they will think they are going 'crazy'or they won't understand.
It has been called 'Complex Grief' by doctors, which relates to when the physical pain from grief carries on for a prolonged period of time with no relief from it. Complex grief has been found to occur in up to 10% of bereaved people. Whilst this is quite a high number I think that it will probably be higher than that. A lot of people never seek help so they will not be included in the research.
Grief can also lead on to many other physical conditions which adds to the difficulty already being experienced by the bereaved person. Lots of people describe experiencing stomach problems/pain or always having a headache, which makes dealing with day to day activities almost impossible.
"Can you die from a broken heart?"
Well a cardiologist has come forward and said YES.
He has said that there is an increased risk of dying in the 6 months after a bereavement and it is more likely in men. He explained this by saying that following a bereavement the stress and anxiety felt can produce a specific hormone that can lead to some people experiencing heart attacks and strokes as well as being more likely to be involved in accidents.
When you look at all these things that people can go through after a loss it makes you realise how important it is to have the right help and support out there at the time it is needed.
We know this is true from all the families we have met since setting up Charlies-Angel-Centre and from our own personal experiences.
If people were able to access the support they need when they needed it there would be much fewer of them requiring doctors intervention which surely makes sense in today's culture of Nhs cuts.
One day the people in charge of making the decisions about the services available must see that prevention is better than cure and that putting adequate funding into areas highlighted as being underfunded is the only sensible solution.
If you know someone who is struggling with grief please remember that the physical symptoms they are experiencing are real and they need your support and help to get through it. That could be just spending time with them or offering to go shopping for them but it could also involve you making the decision to seek extra external support for them.
Grief hurts and it can hurt for years and years, never rush someone through their grief they are taking it at the pace that is right for them, just be there for them.
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