Sunday 11 December 2016

Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with bereavement and loss. 

People who have never experienced a loss don't always understand how anxiety can be linked to grief, and I guess I never truly appreciated how much of an impact it could have. 

Everyone can understand how a family can be feeling low and suffering with depression, it is accepted that death and depression can go together.

Anxiety on the other hand is not seen in the same way. 
In reality anxiety can be totally disabling and have longer lasting effects.

We are coming up to Charlie's 4th birthday at the end of December and many people now think that we should have all moved on. What I always say is how can you move on when there is a little boy who should be here with us but is now an angel.

I think people confuse moving on with getting over the loss and I think we have moved on. 

We will never get over the loss of Charlie and we will always ensure that he is a big part of our lives.

However we can now function on a day to day basis,whereas 3 years ago we were probably coping hour to hour.
I also think that whilst we have moved on we still do so with Charlie always in our thoughts. 

The biggest difference I would say is that now we are able to remember Charlie and talk about him without breaking down. 

When I talk about Charlie now I do so with pride and admiration for him and his mummy's fight for survival. 
I still do shed tears but I can usually keep hold of them until I am in the security of my home.

Unless you have experienced such a loss I don't think you can truly understand it.
Lots of people can empathise with you and they do so in a wonderful way and offer support and love. 
However they can never fully understand the depth of emotions stored up inside you.

Throughout the year emotions can change so quickly and you can go from feeling quite strong to feeling total despair. There will be times in the year when you come upon significant events like a birthday or mothers day and it makes functioning so much harder.

We often talk to parents and other family members that say how the hardest thing to deal with after the initial heart breaking pain is the feeling of anxiety that follows. 

Trying to cope with day to day issues such as what to have for dinner can bring on a total state of confusion and anxiousness.  

Anxiety can manifest itself in many ways, from sweaty palms and fast heart rate, to feeling like you are going to throw up or something dreadful is about to happen. 
When you try to explain these feelings to others it is hard to actually describe how it effects you.

Going out from the house is a major difficulty that bereaved families talk about. 

Initially you are anxious that people will know that something has happened and will react differently.
There is also the worry that friends and colleagues will try to avoid you which makes you feel anxious going back to places where you know you will bump into them.

A lot of people have said how the anxiety can suddenly take over your brain in the most random places and without warning. 
A common place seems to be the supermarket whilst doing the shopping. 
Many parents have said that suddenly in the middle of the shop they have found themselves unable to think straight or even move. 
Often they will have to call someone that can come along to help them or may have to stand there until the overwhelming fear subsides.

Never underestimate the power that anxiety can have on your life and it can affect anyone. 
It is not a condition that only affects one gender or a certain age group. 
More and more professionals are now saying that anxiety is one of the largest conditions they treat and even children are not immune.

The pressures of day to day life can result in anxiety, so throw into that a loss or a traumatic event and you can see why so many bereaved families struggle with it.

If you are a family going through a loss or bereavement remember that our charity is always there for you to talk to, and we don't mind what you want to talk to us about. 
Sometimes it is just having someone to be able to offload to or just to break the cycle of anxiety. 














No comments:

Post a Comment

Charlies-Angel-Centre.org.uk