Wednesday 19 August 2015

This Thursday sees our first Community Support Group. 

This is something we have been working hard to get started, as we know how much support is needed for bereaved parents and their families.

We are hoping that we will be able to provide support and friendship to families going through the toughest time of their lives.

The group is going to be an informal group with no pressure on anyone to speak about their loss. 
We want people to feel comfortable and if they feel able to discuss their issues then we will be there to listen. 

None of us have formal qualifications in counselling but we have the experience of having gone through our own loss. We can talk about how we are coping through our bereavement and offer a shoulder for others to lean on.

Over the last 2 and a half years, since losing Charlie, we have all found our own ways of dealing with our grief and everyone of us has our own ways of coping. 
Grief is a very individual thing and whatever way you find works for you is the right way.

Whist going through the internet, looking for information on grief and ways to deal with it I came across this list of do's and don'ts and I would like to share them with you as I think the more informed people are the more able they are to support others.

Do's

  • DO get in touch. Let your concern and care show
  • Do be available to listen, to help with the other children, or whatever else seems needed. Offer help with practical matters like house work and shopping.
  • DO say you are sorry about what has happened and about their pain.
  • DO allow them time to express their grief. Accept silences and don't force them to talk.
  • DO encourage them to be patient with themselves, don't expect too much from themselves.
  • DO allow them to talk about their baby.
  • DO give special attention to the brothers and sisters of the baby that has died.
  • DO reassure them that they did everything that they could for their baby.
  • DO encourage them to seek outside help, either from a professional or another bereaved parent.
  • DO remember the family on the baby's birthday or anniversary of their death, mothers day & fathers day. These can be very tricky dates for the family and showing that you remember the dates can help.
  • DO be patient with them and stay in touch with them.
Don'ts
  • DON'T let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out to the bereaved family.
  • DON'T avoid the family because you feel uncomfortable or don't know what to say.
  • DON'T say you know how they feel (unless you have been through the loss of a child it is impossible to know how they are feeling).
  • DON'T push for details about the child's death. If they want to share details, listen with understanding.
  • DON'T tell them what they should feel or do.
  • DON'T impose your religious or spiritual views.
  • DON'T change the subject when they talk about their baby (it has probably taken them a lot of courage to start talking about what happened).
  • DON'T point out that at least they have another child or could have another baby, no child can ever replace the one they have lost.
  • DON'T blame anyone for the death.
  • DON'T try to find something positive about the babies death, avoid cliches. 
  • DON'T avoid mentioning the babies name out of fear of reminding them of their pain. 
  • DON'T say things like "you ought to be feeling better by now" or "it's time to move on". There are no time limits on grief or the healing process. 


     

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