Monday 16 June 2014

That first night back at Carrie's home was really strange. We were all very quiet, but it didn't feel odd. It almost felt like no words were needed.

The hardest part was not being able to see Charlie, whilst in hospital we could see him whenever we wanted, now he wasn't nearby. I think this was the hardest part for Carrie as well.

We tried to do normal things, like eating dinner together and tidying up. Trying to keep occupied seemed the way to get by. As long as I was doing something or was trying to concentrate on something I was OK. When we all sat down to watch TV I found my mind wandering back to all the events and going over them in my head.

With it being New Years Eve all the programmes on TV were about welcoming in the New Year and parties. The last thing on our minds was celebrating. We did however all sit up and see the New Year in together.

I think all of us were tired but none of us actually wanted to go to bed.
The hardest times of dealing with the loss of a loved one is the night times. Time seems to go slower and in the dark, things seem extra bleak.
Carrie found it hard not being near Charlie and she was worried that he would be not be ok on his own. I tried to reassure her that the staff would make sure that he was safe.

That night Carrie slept with me, not wanting to be on her own. I remember cuddling her whilst she fell asleep and feeling like I wanted to protect her from all the terrible things that were going on and what she would have to face.





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