Going back to work was very difficult. I wanted to see all my colleagues and the kids at school but I was worried about how I would cope with everyone asking how I was and how everyone else was. I also knew that the children would be asking why I was away, what was I going to say to them, how was I going to say it. I wanted to be honest with them but I also didn't want to upset them.  

I have always been the type of person who gets everywhere early, I think on this occasion it really helped me as I could get into school without too many people being there. The head teacher had arranged for me to initially go in for just a few hours to ease me back in gently. When I walked into the school I did feel nervous, it was weird, I had been working there for nearly a year but I felt like I was a new starter again. I shouldn't have worried, I was given a big hug by a work friend, it nearly made me start crying but it was a much needed hug.

When the children came into school several of them all came up and gave me a hug and said they had missed me, it made me go all goosebumps. The little girl I worked with came running into school, having seen me, and grabbed my hand and pulled me into the school. She made starting back at work easy. 

There were some staff that found it hard to know what to say to me and several did say to me later they were scared of saying the wrong thing or upsetting me. I explained there was no wrong thing to say, just knowing they were there and were supportive was all I needed. I also told them that I would still get upset but the things they said to me were not the things that would upset me. I tried to explain to them that sometimes I could get upset at the most random things, but don't worry about upsetting me, I needed to talk about Charlie and what had happened.

There was one friend who asked if I had any photos of Charlie, this meant so much to me. I had wanted to show Charlie off to everyone and show them how beautiful he was but I was aware that some people might find it upsetting. For my friend to ask to see pictures made me feel like any normal nanna showing off their grand children. Others then also asked to see Charlie, I felt like such a proud nanna. 

There were moments when I would have to take myself off to the bathroom for a while to have a little cry but everyone just accepted this and supported me. 

The little girl I worked with had autism and I really do think she could sense what was wrong. She was not normally very keen on hugs and physical contact but for the first few days when I went back she kept hugging me and wanting to sit on my knee and hold my hand. I don't know if she realised it but she made me feel safe and 'normal' again. I was there to make her safe in her environment but she had managed to turn it round and made me feel safe to be back at work. 

There were a couple of staff members who did make me feel a little uncomfortable but I think, looking back, it was more that they didn't know what to say or how to say anything to me. 

The children did ask me why I had been away for so long and I decided to be truthful and explain in the simplest of terms what had happened. They were amazing, they took it all in their stride and told me it was very sad that Charlie had died but he would now be an angel. They all wanted to look at the tattoo I had had done of Charlies footprint and several of them wanted to touch it. They couldn't get over how little his foot was. I think their innocence and acceptance made it so much easier to talk to them about his death. 

The children at school still talk to me about Charlie now, 18 months down the line, and several have taken it upon themselves to raise money for Charlies charity. It is amazing to think how many lives Charlie has touched.